How Should I Respond to In-Laws Who Never Contacted Me or My Child?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My in-laws have not visited or contacted me or my 9-month-old daughter since her birth, despite sending gifts occasionally. They now expect us to visit them. This has caused me emotional pain, and raising it with them hasn’t helped. How should I respond to this situation in a way that pleases Allah? Should I avoid visiting them?
Answer
Thank you for your question. Islam is a religion of excellence and enjoins excellence in relationships. If you want to please your Lord and His messenger, visit them.
Ties of Kinship
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“The person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him.” [Bukhari]
And the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“The most quickly rewarded of good deeds are kindness and upholding the ties of kinship, and the most quickly punished evil deeds are injustice and severing the ties of kinship.” [Ibn Maja]
Meet Them Halfway
You can see from the above hadith exactly what your Lord wants from you, and it’s not easy, but the reward is eternal Paradise. Your in-laws’ behaviour was wrong, but now that they are trying to reconcile and meet you halfway, you should accept it and make an effort, too. You must.
Who will benefit from this? Your child. Your child will see you serving as a role model by keeping ties of kinship, your child will have loving grandparents in his/her life, and your child’s father will have more peace and calm if his parents are involved. All of these are ingredients for making a child happier, successful and a strong believer by the grace of Allah Most High. On the other hand, if you remain cut off, it will harm you, your child, your husband, and your akhira (hereafter).
Dua
Please say this dua of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) regularly:
اللَّهُمَّ أَلِّفْ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِنَا وَأَصْلِحْ ذَاتَ بَيْنِنَا وَاهْدِنَا سُبُلَ السَّلاَمِ وَنَجِّنَا مِنَ الظُّلُمَاتِ إِلَى النُّورِ وَجَنِّبْنَا الْفَوَاحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ وَبَارِكْ لَنَا فِي أَسْمَاعِنَا وَأَبْصَارِنَا وَقُلُوبِنَا وَأَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُ وَاجْعَلْنَا شَاكِرِينَ لِنِعْمَتِكَ مُثْنِينَ بِهَا قَابِلِيهَا وَأَتِمَّهَا عَلَيْنَا
“O Allah, join our hearts, mend our social relationship, guide us to the path of peace, bring us from darkness to light, save us from obscenities, outward or inward, and bless our ears, our eyes, our hearts, our wives, our children, and relent toward us; Thou art the Relenting, the Merciful. And make us grateful for Thy blessing and make us praise it while accepting it and give it to us in full.” [Abu Dawud]
Please see more details here:
- Cutting Ties to In-laws
- Problems With In-Laws: Maintaining Distance & Advice on Mending Ties
- How Do I Start To See My In-Laws Again After We Decided Not To See Them?
- Can I Break Relations With Abusive In-Laws?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
