What Should a Dependent Mother and Her Daughters Do in a Physically Volatile Domestic Environment?
Answered by Shaykh Muhammad Carr
Question
How can two sisters and their mother safely navigate an abusive situation with a male family member who has escalated from verbal attacks to threats of physical violence? They are unable to leave due to financial and social dependence.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
Thank you for reaching out and offering us the opportunity to assist. It is our collective responsibility to stay the hand of the oppressor. Our supplications are with you, and we trust they have already reached you.
Leaving an abusive situation is not merely permitted — it is obligatory where remaining poses a genuine risk of physical harm. You are not only entitled but duty-bound to do your utmost to remedy or remove yourselves from this environment. Allah Most High wants ease for you and does not want unbearable hardship.
The Obligation to Protect Oneself
Extricate yourself from the situation immediately. The harm that may befall you by remaining cannot be undone. [See Ahdal, Umdat al-Mufti wa al-Mustafti]
If leaving is not immediately possible, resist and speak out against any abuse that comes your way.
Allah wants ease for you and does not want unbearable hardship for you. Allah Most High says: “Allah intends ease for you, not hardship.” [Quran, 2:185]
You are not only entitled, but duty-bound, to do your utmost to remedy or extricate yourselves from this abusive environment. Exposing yourself to such potential harm is impermissible. Ibn Ashur states that placing oneself in harm’s way is unquestionably impermissible, whether the harm be to one’s person, wealth, liberty, or life, or through the seizure of one’s property. [See Ibn Ashur, al-Tahrir] Protecting yourself and your honor is compulsory. [Shatari, Sharh Yaqut]
Keep in mind that Allah is the provider. And whoever practices the law of Allah, “He grants him a way out of every plight and provides for him whence he could not even guess.” [Quran, 65:2-3]
Turning to Allah Most High
Be sure to recite the morning and evening protective supplications, which are a means of drawing Allah’s protection. The regular daily recitation of these litanies is indispensable for our physical, psychological, and spiritual well-being. I would specifically recommend invoking the following Name of Allah as often as possible: “Ya dha al-Jalali wa al-Ikram.”
Taking Practical Measures
Take all lawful means to secure your safety. Document incidents of abuse where possible, report criminal conduct to the relevant authorities, and seek a protection order or interdict if necessary.
Involve trustworthy family members, community elders, or others who can help secure a safe environment. Reach out to a local scholar whose heart beats with concern for the oppressed — reach out in the name of Allah Most High, and He will dispatch an aide.
And Allah knows best.
[Shaykh] Muhammad Carr
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Related Answers
- Is It Permissible to Leave My Emotionally Abusive Home? — A ruling confirming that Sacred Law does not prohibit leaving an abusive household and that doing so out of necessity is fully permitted.
- Can I Move Out Due to Abusive Parents and Siblings? — A ruling stating clearly that abuse by family members is prohibited, that the person being abused must resist it however they can, and that nothing in Sacred Law prevents leaving such a home.
- How Can I Go On with This Abusive Mother? — A ruling confirming that verbal and emotional abuse by a family member is prohibited and that the person being abused is obligated to prevent it however they are able.
- Can I Move Out Due to My Mother’s Emotional and Physical Abuse? — A ruling offering practical and spiritual counsel to someone experiencing physical and emotional abuse at home, with a reminder of one’s right to be treated with dignity.
Shaykh Muhammad Carr has dedicated his life to studying and transmitting our beautiful deen. His studies have taken him around the globe, where he has benefitted from the guidance of many luminaries. Under the guidance of his teachers – Shaykh Taha Karan, Shaykh Yaseen Abbas, Shaykh Muadh Ali, and many others – Shaykh Muhammad has grown to appreciate the beauty and benefits of diverse scholarship. He completed his memorization of the Qur’an at Dar al-Ulum Zakariyyah in September 1997 and received an Alimiyya Degree in 2006 from DUAI (Darul Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah). He is also affiliated with Masjid Auwal in Bo Kaap, Cape Town (the oldest mosque in South Africa), where he serves as a co-imam, and Dar Al-Safa, where he has taught since 2018. As a teacher, he imparts the wisdom of our heritage and tradition by opening the door to students. As an imam, he has the unique opportunity to serve his community in daily life.
In addition to his roles as a teacher and imam, Shaykh Muhammad Carr has contributed significantly to the administrative and advisory aspects of Islamic institutions. Since 2023, he has served as the Administrative Director at The Imam Kurani Institute, contributing to the institution’s growth and development. He continues to pursue traditional Islamic Sciences, possessing a keen interest in Islamic Contract Law and Finance. Shaykh Muhammad has been a Shari‘a Board Member for Islamic Asset Management & Insurance Companies since 2001, aligning financial practices with Islamic principles.
