How Do I Convince My Husband to Be The Breadwinner?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My husband refuses to share household expenses after we moved for my job, saying it was my choice. I now cover all costs despite just starting work, and I feel resentful. What should I do?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and frustration because it is obligatory for him to take care of you financially, and not the other way around.
Withholding
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“It is shockingly wicked for a person to withhold from those he is to provide for.” [Muslim]
I feel that your marriage suffers from a lack of communication, which happens when financial matters are not clearly discussed beforehand when both spouses work. I encourage you to open this door before it gets harder and explain to him that you would like to split the bills or save all your money for yourself; you have a right to do that. You might also consider leaving or changing your job; your marriage is far more critical. I am also reasonably certain that he is feeling resentment as well.
Dua
It’s important to get this resentment out of your heart because it’s not good for you. Make the following Quranic dua regularly and turn to Allah Most High by praying on time and tahajjud, and reading and reflecting on the Quran daily:
رَبَّنَا اغْفِرْ لَنَا وَلِإِخْوَانِنَا الَّذِينَ سَبَقُونَا بِالْإِيمَانِ وَلَا تَجْعَلْ فِي قُلُوبِنَا غِلًّا لِلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا رَبَّنَا إِنَّكَ رَءُوفٌ رَحِيمٌ
“Our Lord! Forgive us and our fellow believers who preceded us in faith, and do not allow bitterness into our hearts towards those who believe. Our Lord! Indeed, You are Ever Gracious, Most Merciful.” [Quran, 59:10]
Please see more details here:
- Istikhara Prayer
- Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja)
- How Should the Finances Be Managed If Both Spouses Are Earning?
- How Should Finances Be Handled in Marriage?
- What is the Responsibility of the Husband Upon Marriage?
- Is My Wife Obligated to Give Me Her Income?
- How Can I Convince My Husband to Become the Breadwinner of the Family?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
