Should I Agree to My Husband Marrying Another Wife to Solve His Porn Addiction?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Can my husband’s desire to marry a second wife be a valid way to overcome his pornography addiction, especially if he cannot financially support another marriage, and it did not help when he married me?
Answer
Thank you for your question. Getting married to a second wife does not solve porn addiction. Commitment, resolve and faith with Allah’s help solve porn addiction, even if one is single.
Second Wife
Polygamy is illegal in your country, and one must follow the law of one’s land. If there were to be any legal issue, the second wife would not have any rights, and she and potential children would suffer. Please ask him to see the following advice about polygamy:
Can a Husband Marry a Second Wife Without His First Wife’s Permission?
Pornography
Your husband needs therapy, and you should ask him continuously to see someone until he agrees. He can pick someone of his choice and should not try to solve this on his own, especially not via a second wife. I fear that he is trying to fulfill a sexual fantasy that will blow up in his face and yield worse results.
Ask him to use this safe resource for Muslims with these kinds of addictions:
Purify Your Gaze—The Safe Place For Healing From Unwanted Sexual Behaviors.
Tips
- You should pray istikhara about how to help him.
- You should refuse to accept a second wife because it is illegal.
- You should ask him to go to therapy for the porn and/or marital therapy to improve your marriage and emotional connection.
- Take a religious course with him, or spend time outdoors to bond, and exercise together; the connection will come, insha’Allah.
- Reduce or eliminate screen time.
- Have him seek advice from a local imam, relative, or elder; he should not do this alone.
- Turn to Allah during this difficult time with regular prayer, tahajjud, du`a, the Prayer of Need, and dhikr.
Dua
Please say these duas daily:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَاماً
“Our Lord! Bless us with (pious) spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” [Quran, 25:74]
رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ
“My Lord, I am in absolute need of the good You send me.” [Quran, 28:24]
Please see more details here:
- How Can I Deal with a Poor Husband Who Wants a Second Wife?
- How to Deal with My Husband’s Reconciliation with His First Wife?
- My Wife Is Unable to Have Marital Intimacy. I Want to Marry Again. What Do I Do?
- I Am Jealous of My Husband’s Other Wife. What Do I Do?
- I Married a Man Whose First Wife Does Not Approve. Do I Divorce Him?
- My Wife Will Divorce Me If I Take a Second Wife. What Should I Do?
- A Married Man Wants to Marry Me. What Do I Do?
- Can I Marry Multiple Women and Have Them Give Up Their Financial Rights?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
