Should I Tell My Suitor about the Fornication in My Past?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I am a young Muslim girl who was engaged for three years, and during that time, I committed zina. It didn’t work, and I now have extreme guilt. I met someone righteous. Does he have the right to know about my past if he asks about it?
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your feelings of guilt because that is genuine sincerity.
It is not permissible to tell your suitor about your past as this is a sin that Allah has covered up and must stay that way. A couple must not speak about their past sins with one another and disclose what Allah chose to keep hidden. They should not ask each other, nor do they have any right to. Their only obligation is to repent from that sin and never repeat it.
If a man or woman wishes to investigate someone they consider for marriage, they should ask around and check with families that know them. They may not ask a boy or girl to expose their sins directly. The obvious harms are a)Allah’s displeasure, b) the souring of relations, c)and damaging one’s reputation. What the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us is sufficient proof:
Abu Hurayra, Allah be pleased with him, reports that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “All my Community will be excused except those who are blatant. And it is from blatancy for one to perform an act at night and to wake up and tell something that they did such-and-such while Allah had concealed it for them. They slept under cover of Allah, and they rent asunder Allah’s covering from themselves in the morning.” [Bukhari; Muslim]
Please see the many details here:
- Disclosing Past Sins
- How Should I Deal with My Husband Inquiring about My Past Sins?
- Informing a Prospective Spouse About Past Non-Marital Relationships
- Will My Future Husband Find Out About My Virginity?
- Should I Tell My Spouse About My Relationships Before I Got Married?
- Seeking Forgiveness for Premarital Relationship and Informing One’s Spouse
- My Friend Committed Fornication in the Past, and Wants to Tell Her Prospective Husband About It. Is This a Good Idea?
- Are There Valid Reasons to Reveal Sins?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.