Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I met someone I would like to marry, but my parents do not approve because he does not have a Bachelor’s degree. I have spoken to my parents and grandparents, but they are not supportive. Can I marry without my family’s permission?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Dear sister, I strongly discourage you from pursuing marriage without your family’s consent. Most parents, given time and patience, can be won over.
You risk incurring the displeasure of Allah as well as your parents if you go down that path. Please consider that your absolute last resort, and not your first.
Please refer to this link: Can I Marry Without My Parents’ Consent?
Is it possible for your parents and you to reach a compromise? Ask your parents if he would be an acceptable candidate once he graduates. If so, then make this your plan.
Encourage him to speak to your parents about his commitment to earning your hand in marriage. Your parents love you, and want what is best for you. Work with them and their concerns.
I encourage you to perform the Prayer of Guidance up til 7 times and watch what Allah unfolds. If Allah makes it easy for you to marry this man, then that is your positive sign. If he sends difficulty upon difficulty, then that is your negative sign.
Please guard your heart. It is unwise for you to get emotionally attached to someone who is not yet your husband. I pray that your marriage works out if it is best for you, but if it does not, then the more you fall for this young man, the deeper your heartbreak will be.
When registration reopens, I encourage you to enrol in and complete this course Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages.
I pray that Allah grants you patience, softens your family’s heart, and facilitates whatever is best for you in this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.