Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I’m 19 years old and mutually in love with someone that I’m no longer with. His father passed away years ago, leaving him and his mother with a joint family. He has been through a lot with them. I have always prayed that Allah makes things easier for him. We talked about the next step. Unfortunately, his house representative didn’t agree due to their feuds with some of my relatives. We are so heartbroken, he is everything I wanted in a spouse, and I want to marry him, but it is impossible. Can dua change it?
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and frustration. You can pray for him to become your spouse, but with a clear mind and submitting heart.
Although you love this person, are you certain that he is the right man for you? Is it your emotions speaking, or have you picked this person according to the prophetic advice? The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari & Muslim]. I don’t doubt your choice, but I know that you are young. If an obstacle is coming in your way, it could be that this is Allah protecting you from making a mistake. Try to be objective and re-assess your choice, and be sure.
Please pray istikhara for at least seven days and seek guidance on whether this man is worth pursuing; thereafter, if it is positive, you have a reason to supplicate for him to be your spouse. And yes, supplication can change the outcomes of these things. In the meanwhile, prepare yourself by taking a course on marriage because you mustn’t enter into it blindly.
Please see the links below for details and for duas that you can recite:
Can Supplication Change Destiny?
Istikhara: The prayer of Seeking Guidance
A Dua to Make Someone My Spouse
Supplication for a Spouse
Is Dua Sufficient for Me to Get Married to a Particular Person?
Because your outcome is unknown, I recommend that you distance yourself from him. You are not engaged to him by any means, and if you are consistently speaking to him, this is a form of an illicit relationship. Break your attachments, endure the distance, repent for having gotten too close to him in order to strengthen yourself and to marry for the sake of Allah and His Messenger alone. Only good will come from doing it this way, by His grace.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.