Should I Speak to a Girl That I Liked After Promising Allah That I Would Not?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I met a girl online who became Muslim. We started discussing marriage after realizing we strayed. I said no due to differences in goals and expectations. I was also going through extreme waswasa along with troubles from a jinn. At the time I made a lot of promises due to the waswasa.

I promised to Allah I would never speak to her unless necessary. Then I promised Allah out loud that I would absolutely never speak to her. However, she is in a place where there is no masjid. She said a brother was teaching her but I want to connect her to some ulama (scholars) here that could guide her with resources for reverts.

Should I speak to her about that and break the promise?

Answer

Thank you for your question. It is not right that you speak to this girl because of the history that you have shared.

Gender Interaction Limits

My advice to you, whether you had made this promise or not, is to stay away from this girl because there is some attraction already and you should avoid all temptation. If you really fear that she has no access to reliable Islamic knowledge, have a female speak to her to guide her to resourceful scholars and direct her to take free courses with us. As for your side, you can pray for her and if you come across beneficial articles or books, you can have a girl (sister, acquaintance, or friend’s wife) forward them to her. Keep yourself cut off from her, that is better for you. And please watch your online interaction in the future because the cyber world is an endless abyss of danger.

Please see more details on gender interaction here:
Guidelines for Interacting With the Opposite Sex
What Are the Principles of Gender Interaction in Islam?

Promise

As for the religious ramifications of breaking a promise, and knowing the difference between a promise, vow, and oath, you can learn what they are here:
What is the Difference Between a Promise, an Oath, and a Vow?
Promises vs Vows and Oaths
How Does Making an Oath or Vow Differ from Simply Saying You’ll Do Something?

Please keep this hadith in mind when you approach gender interaction. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “The world is sweet and verdant, and God having put you in it in your turn watches how you act; so fear the world and fear women, for the first trial of the Bani Isra’il had to do with women.” [Muslim]

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.