How Can I Deal With a Spouse Who Constantly Denies His Words?
Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Question
How should I deal with a spouse who often denies what he previously said and accuses me of making things up, making it hard for me to trust him?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
May Allah (Most High) facilitate ease for you, and rekindle the love and mercy in your marriage.
Having a relationship with the type of constraints you described does not seem practical. Essentially, it amounts to lying, and Allah does not love the liars. Allah (Most High) says,
“Indeed, Allah does not like the liar, the boastful.” [Quran, 4: 36]
You will have to deal with this issue in a focused way and let him know how you feel, and consider recording or documenting your conversations, as it may help both of you to be more mindful about your words. If you can manage the conversation by yourself, that would be best.
If this is not possible, approach a trusted, qualified scholar, pious, learned elder, or Allah-conscious counsellor to mediate between you.
Never leave Allah out of the equation, as He is the ultimate source of love and compassion. Allah (Most High) says,
“And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought.” [Quran, 30:21]
Turn to Him, pray to Him, and beg of Him, especially in the early hours (before Fajr), and surely He hears all prayers.
May Allah grant us love, mercy, wisdom, and ease.
[Shaykh] Irshaad Sedick
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar Shaykh Taha Karaan (Allah have mercy on him), where he taught.
Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Shaykh Muhammad Awama, Shaykh Muhammad Hasan Hitu, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.
He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has been the Director of the Discover Islam Centre, and for six years, he has been the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen, Mowbray, Cape Town.
Shaykh Irshaad has fifteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town. He is currently building an Islamic podcast, education, and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and has completed his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy Prophetic living and fitness.
