How Can I Stop Hating Allah for Not Having Granted Me a Wife?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’m suffering from a crisis of faith. For 10 years, I have tried to get married and have been rejected at every opportunity. It has left me depressed and hopeless in Allah. I made dua for years but all I got is rejection.

Initially, I lost hope and tawakkul in Allah and stopped making dua. Even when I made dua, I couldn’t feel any conviction in my heart. Now, after more rejections, my lack of tawakkul has spilled over into hatred and resentment toward Allah. I complain about Him to people. When people say things like “May Allah grant you a wife”, I don’t feel like saying Ameen as I feel scorn in my heart.

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for addressing the pain that you feel and for reaching out about this, this in itself is a sign of faith.

Impatience

I know that this is hard to hear when you have been so hurt, but you must display patience. This is one of the etiquettes of the supplication of a servant toward his Lord. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said “The supplication of every one of you is granted if he does not grow impatient and say: ‘I supplicated but it was not granted.’” [Muslim]

Allah has also given us this guarantee in the Quran, where He said, “So, surely with hardship comes ease. Surely with ˹that˺ hardship comes ˹more˺ ease. [Quran, 94:5-6] You must wholeheartedly believe in these verses, as they are the truth, and will come to pass.

Allah Knows Best

You might feel that it is fair for you to complain, but I am afraid it is not. We, humans, absolutely cannot claim that we know what timing is better for us and we have no idea what Allah has in store for us. We don’t know His deeper wisdom and what our life story entails. We don’t know what huge calamity he is protecting us from, nor do we know what angelic people will come into our lives when Allah decrees it. What we do know is that Allah knows that which we do not know, as He has told us in the Quran.

Complaining

We are all human beings who have tribulations and we occasionally need someone to talk to. The prophets were our examples in this regard, as they complained only to Allah, and were satisfied with this. Why should you complain to someone who cannot take away your problem? And you complain to people about the One who can? Consider the story of Prophet Yaqub, may Allah bless him, who was going through something unimaginably painful:

In the Quran, Prophet Yaqub, may Allah be pleased with him, said, when he was told that his favourite son, Yusuf, died, “He cried, ‘No! Your souls must have tempted you to do something ˹evil˺. So ˹I am left with nothing but˺ beautiful patience! I trust Allah will return them all to me. Surely He ˹alone˺ is the All-Knowing, All-Wise. He turned away from them, lamenting, ‘Alas, poor Joseph!‘ And his eyes turned white out of the grief he suppressed. They said, ‘By Allah! You will not cease to remember Joseph until you lose your health or ˹even˺ your life.’ He replied, ‘I complain of my anguish and sorrow only to Allah, and I know from Allah what you do not know.’” [Quran, 12:86]

In the Meanwhile

During this difficult time, I urge you to keep yourself busy with faith-strengthening activities. Pray on time, read Quran every day, and take free courses with us on Islam to enhance your knowledge and practice. In sha Allah, you will find peace of mind when you study the difficult lives of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and his companions. Pick up beneficial hobbies, sports, or exercise, definitely spend time with religious, positive friends, and develop some skill or passion during your free time. You will get very busy eventually, so use this time to save money, serve your parents, volunteer, help children, and the list goes on. And keep making Dua with utter submission and patience.

Please see these links:
Supplication for a Spouse
Dua for Marriage

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.