Should I Marry a Man Who Will Desire Other Women During Our Marriage?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question:

There is a man who wants to marry me. He has good character and is a practicing Muslim, but he told me that he has an urge to sleep with different women. Even though he‘ll be married to me, he will still feel the urge to sleep with them and will feel sexually attracted to them. He told me that this is normal for a man, but I don‘t think it is. What should I do? It will hurt as a wife.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I don’t know if this man told you this out of a lack of modesty or actual fear of cheating on you or intending to take a second wife.

Leading to what?

Although it is normal for a man to feel sexually attracted, sometimes, to another woman, it is not something that a suitor would mention to a girl that he wants to marry unless he already has some kind of problem. It’s good that you have been made aware of this, and the important question to ask him is what he plans to do with that attraction. Take another wife? Cheat? Is he already addicted to porn?

Prophetic advice

A God-fearing guy would ignore the attraction, lower his gaze and fulfill his urges with his wife, as the Prophet advised us, (Allah bless him and give him peace): “The Prophet saw a woman, then he went to Zainab to fulfill his need, and he left. He said: ‘Indeed when the woman enters, she enters in the image of Shaitan. So when one of you sees a woman that he is fascinated with, then let him go to his wife, for indeed with her (his wife) is the same as that which is with her.” [Tirmidhi]

Istikhara

Pray istikhara about marrying this man and ask Allah to make it clear to you. I have doubts about the reason he told you this, and you should be upfront and ask him about the repercussions of his attraction. The whole matter doesn’t seem right to me, and I wonder whether he is the right man for you. Please see this link as well:

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/how-do-i-choose-between-suitors-one-who-is-established-and-the-other-that-has-potential/

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.