What Can I Do about a Husband Who Does Not Want Children?

Question: My husband of six years has finally told me that he does not want to ever have children. I have always wanted children, and he began saying he needed a few years and now has said he does not want children at all. He says he feels guilty for not fulfilling my rights, however, he is too selfish to have children. What advice and guidance can be given before coming to the decision of divorce?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. Your husband has indeed robbed you of a basic right and sounds too immature to put your needs and the Prophetic Sunnah before his own desires.

 

Resources

The absolute best advice for your situation is here:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/my-husband-doesnt-want-to-have-kids-what-can-i-do/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/dealing-with-a-husband-who-does-not-want-to-have-children/

 

Istikhara

Six years is a long time to wait, and it sounds like you are inclining to a divorce. This is permissible grounds for a divorce, and you should pray istikhara before you make this decision. Turn to Allah in the last third of the night and ask him to guide you to His pleasure and to facilitate the basic fulfillment of your rights.

 

Communication

If he absolutely refuses, you should put everything openly and honestly on the table and tell him that you are making a plan to spend your future without him. You should consult family and friends on their opinions and perhaps have them try to convince him. This might get him thinking more seriously. If you divorce him, do so with the support of friends and family and turn to Allah at every step. Consider the etiquette of divorce here:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/shafii-fiqh/etiquettes-going-divorce/

I pray that he changes his mind, and if not, I pray for a happy union for you with someone who can give you a family and dedicate himself to raising them as pious servants of Allah, Most High.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.