Why Is It So Hard to Get Married When Allah Created Mates for Us?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Allah says in the Quran that He created spouses for us, “And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this, are signs for people who reflect. [Quran, 30:21]

But I and many others are having difficulty getting married. Does this not contradict the verse? If Allah created a spouse for everyone, why can’t we find a spouse? If Allah created needs in us like the need for food and the need to marry, why is it easier to find food than a spouse?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration, and I pray that you find someone that suits you perfectly and that you have patience until then. Questioning Allah’s decree will only cause you more pain and confusion.

The Promise of a Mate

Allah Most High has not guaranteed in this verse that each and every person will have a spouse. Rather, He is describing a general provision that He has created for the benefit of mankind. Each person will have their own test, timeline, and reward.

Food is much easier to procure because it is just that: food. It is not a human being with a soul. Food can be grown, but only a little is needed consistently, and even then, it is not guaranteed, as many die of starvation. Marrying someone is usually a once or twice a lifetime decision, and it is a contract between two people to support each other until the end. How can the two be compared?

Please see: Is Marriage Obligatory?

Etiquette of Supplication

One of the etiquettes of supplication (dua) is that one should not be impatient about receiving an answer, and I believe that you should strive for patience in this matter, as it’s the only thing you can do.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The supplication of every one of you is granted if he does not grow impatient and say: ‘I supplicated, but it was not granted.’” [Muslim] Don’t let this matter tarnish your trust in Allah Most High.

Please review the etiquettes of supplication here:

Adab of Dua Series: Introduction and Etiquette
The Reality and Etiquettes of Supplication: A Reader

The Story of Julaybib

When you despair about marriage, please recall this story:

The Story of Julaybib (RA) and the Most Beautiful Woman

Busy Yourself

In the meantime, busy yourself with goodness, memorize Quran, study, learn, serve those around you, and live every day as though it will be your last. Build your relationship with your Lord and ask Him for closeness, knowledge, and action. If you do end up considering someone for marriage, be sure to take a free course with us to learn your rights and responsibilities.

Please see these links as well:

Why Am I Not Married Yet?
Difficulty Getting Married Leading to Resentment and Depression
How Can I Relieve My Anxiety Over No Marriage Prospects?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.