Is It Sinful To Stop Cooking For My Husband?


Question: Does a wife have to cook for her husband if he verbally insulted her despite her cooking for years? She has decided not to do any housework because he does not appreciate anything, and he constantly says that she does not do anything. Is it sinful that she stopped cooking?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. It is unsettling to see that you are at odds with your husband that you have given up your basic duty. I pray that you can both come to terms, and find mutual respect and understanding.

 

False Premise

I noticed from your question that you stopped cooking for your husband because he does not appreciate and recognize it. Although it would be nice and recommended for him to do this, a wife does not cook for those reasons. She cooks for the sake of Allah and for His pleasure. She fulfills her duty in her marriage because Allah has commanded it, no matter what challenge or ingratitude she might face. You do not want to stand in front of Allah and have to tell Him that you did not fulfill His obligation in your marriage.

 

Resources

I do not need to tell you that your marriage needs a bit of fixing and tender, loving care. Please see this link for some tips and ideas:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/is-it-sinful-to-disobey-to-my-husband/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/im-fearful-islam-causing-depression-can/

Please consider taking this free course with your husband so that you can both understand your rights and responsibilities with the spirit of an Islamic Marriage:
Keys to Successful Muslim Marriages: Practical lessons that explain the Prophetic Spirit of Marriage
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage

 

First Step

Usually, when marriage problems occur, women are the first to make a change. They have the means, smarts, sweetness, and strong will to effect any change in a marriage, and you should use your womanly wits for that. Do not wait for him to become an angel overnight, he will not. But, he will change as soon as he sees some softness from you. Please read these books to boost your marital communication:
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
https://www.gottman.com/product/the-seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work/

Also, consider this Prophetic hadith: It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said, ‘The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything with regard to herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.‘“ [Ahmad]

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next and make your home a safe and loving sanctuary for you.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.