Have I Done Wrong by Moving My Family Out of My Parents’ Home?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

After my marriage, my sisters influenced my mother; they behaved badly with my wife and me and didn’t even care about my daughter. My mother always took the side of her daughter. After arguing for a few months, I realized that we could not live together in one home, so I moved my family out. But my mother said that she would cut us off forever if we moved out. Since then, they have not contacted me and slandered me in front of all my relatives. So who will be guilty as per Islam?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain as your own blood is causing you to suffer like this. May Allah rectify your relationship with them so you can all get along in peace.

Accountability

Know that you are not at fault according to the details you gave me. You have given your wife her Islamic right to separate living space, and you have chosen to live in peace instead of living a life of arguing and fighting. I see this as praiseworthy and wise.

See her right to separate living space here:

A Wife’s Right to Housing Separate From Her In-Laws

Ties of Kinship

It is not permissible for a mother to cut off her son forever; it is not even permissible to cut a tie of kinship for more than three days. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Ties of kinship (rahim) are derived from the All-Merciful (ar-Rahman). They will say, ‘My Lord! I have been wronged! My Lord! I have been cut off! My Lord! I have! I have!’ Allah answers them, ‘Are you not content that I cut off the one who cuts you off, and I maintain connections with the one who maintains connections with you?’” [Bukhari]

Remember that you can’t control anyone’s actions but your own. Be kind to your mother and sisters, and stay in contact, even if you only send short messages occasionally. Start with your mother only so you can build up gradually. Now that you are in control of your surroundings, interaction with them should be less threatening. Perhaps invite them to your house during Ramadan. Know that their slander will not affect you and only harm them. Allah is the defender of His servants, and He will be on your side as long as you are doing the correct thing.

Tawba

If you have done anything that may have hurt them, repent for it sincerely, don’t repeat it, don’t stoop to their level, and commit to improving your relationship with them. Anything you seek through Allah will be easy, and anything you seek through yourself will be difficult.

Please see these links for more details on ties of kinship:

• How to Maintain Ties of Kinship Despite Hateful Siblings?
• Can We Break Family Ties With Siblings Who Treat Us Badly?
• Abuse and Breaking the Ties of Kinship

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.