How to Move On in Life amid the Worries of a Sinful Past?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I have committed zina with a boy, and now I am repenting. He wants to marry me, but he and his family are not religious and very short-tempered. I fear him because he loves me, and he is abusive. After every fight, he apologizes, but I can’t take it anymore. Our thinking is different too. I want an entirely religious vibe in my life, but he doesn’t. He says that if I leave him, he will never marry.

Now I got a proposal from a decent religious guy who is well settled, and my parents want me to marry him. But I fear breaking my boyfriend’s heart. What if he curses me? What if this decent guy finds out I lost my virginity and divorces me? And what if I marry my boyfriend and then regret it my whole life? I can find no way out.

Answer

I pray that you get through this without undue hardship, but now you only have Allah Most High to turn to.

Ironically, you want to reject your boyfriend because he is not religious. Yet, you embarked on an illegal relationship with him, committing zina with your eyes, ears, tongue, and private parts. Now, you need to prioritize what you want in your life and strive for it. I recommend that you don’t ever consider marrying your boyfriend. The problems you see in him now will only get bigger if you marry him. Do not marry him out of guilt; you deserve better than that.

Tawba

Ask Allah Most High to accept your deep, sincere, and genuine tawba by begging Him for forgiveness and never returning to such deeds again. See this link: What Are the Conditions of Making Tawba? Break up with your boyfriend immediately and tell him it’s over. Give him some time to digest the information, and expect him to act in the beginning. He says he will never marry another, but I guarantee he will. Be grateful that you are not pregnant, and give thanks that you got such an excellent proposal.

Istikhara

Pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance for a week or more about marrying this new brother. If you ask Allah first, you will have barakah in everything you do. If it comes out positive, trust that this is better for you, and you should move forward. If he finds out about your past, you should deny it, but it won’t be easy. Pray that Allah Most High keeps your marriage safe, and trust in Him.

See these links about confessing past sins.
Wife Confesses Pre-Marital Affair
Seeking Forgiveness for Premarital Relationship and Informing One’s Spouse

If your istikhara comes out negative, do still break up with your boyfriend and pray that a better situation arises.

Explain to your parents that you are praying istikhara about the matter and that you need a little time. It would help if you met your prospective suitor to help make your decision. Don’t worry about someone cursing you. Allah Most High has the power to protect you over all things. Instead, worry about fulfilling your duties to Him and leave your worries in His hands. I pray that Allah gives you the best and that you choose a religious lifestyle in the future.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.