Is It Sinful to Neglect Foreplay and Cause Pain to the Wife?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
If a husband neglects foreplay, causing pain or harm to his wife, is he sinful? Would the wife be sinful for resisting if intercourse is painful?
Answer
Thank you for your question. Yes, it is potentially sinful to harm the wife in this way, and it goes against the prophetic command to have foreplay.
Foreplay
Jabir ibn ‘Abdullah narrates, saying, “The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) forbade intercourse before foreplay.” [Khatib, Tarikh Baghdad (graded as a sound hadith by Dhahabi]
Imam Daylami (Allah have mercy on him) records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said:
“One of you should not fulfil one’s (sexual) need from one’s wife like an animal; rather, there should be between them foreplay of kissing and words.” [Daylami, Musnad al-Firdaws of al-Daylami]
Imam Munawi (Allah have mercy on him) states: “Foreplay and passionate kissing before sexual intercourse is an emphatic Sunnah (sunnah muakkada), and it is disliked (makruh) to do otherwise.” [Munawi, Fayd al-Qadir (5/115, See: Hadith no. 6536)]
Mufti Adam al-Kawthari says in his book “Islamic Guide to Sexual Relations”: “Engaging in foreplay is a vital constituent of a happy marriage, and as a consequence, it should never be disregarded. Both spouses should take the means to arouse one another, as it will result in a more pleasurable union.”
Communicate
As such, she would not be sinful for resisting intercourse when she knows it would be harmful or painful for her. The best course of action is to communicate your feelings and explain that foreplay will remove the harm caused by intercourse. Perhaps have him read the above hadith and the articles below to understand that foreplay is sunna, praiseworthy entirely, and the epitome of manliness.
Please see more details here:
- Is Foreplay Between Husband and Wife Obligatory or Recommended?
- Foreplay Before Sexual Relations
- My Husband does not Like Kissing or Foreplay
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
