Does Dowry Being Exchanged Behind My Back Affect the Validity of My Marriage?
Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel
Question
I wanted a dahej-free marriage, but I recently discovered that my father and father-in-law exchanged money secretly for our marriage. Does this affect the validity of my marriage? What should I do now?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate
I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question.
It will not affect the validity of your marriage. It would be wrong for your father to give your father-in-law any form of money as a form of jahez or dahej. Also, as you mentioned, you wanted a dahej-free marriage.
Dowry (jahez or dahej)
Dowry (jahez or dahej)—referring to gifting land, wealth, or gifts from the bride and her family to the groom – has a long history. While the practice of dahej was historically and today less common than payments from grooms to brides, dowry in some parts of South Asia remains a social epidemic. See the link below.
Ruling of Jahej or Dahej
It is not permissible to ask for or demand anything from the bride’s parents or family as a dowry (jahez or dahez). The girl’s family should not face any pressure to provide anything. If they choose to give something willingly and happily, it is acceptable to accept it. However, they should never feel forced or compelled to contribute due to customary practices. The practice of jahez or dahez is rooted in other traditions.
Ruling of Marriage Payment (Mahr)
Mahr is a gift given to the bride. It becomes her sole property and should not be taken back. It can be paid at the time of marriage or promised to be paid at a later date, which makes it a debt on the husband to his wife, which she can subsequently forgive if she chooses to do so out of her free will.
[Ibn ‘Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]
I would like you to go through the valuable answers and links below. In sha Allah, you will receive guidance and direction.
Related
- Dowry Among Muslims in India
- How Can I Stop the Haram Pakistani Customs at My Wedding?
- A Guide to Marriage: SeekersGuidance Reader
Why not begin your search for knowledge by signing up for a course on SeekersAcademy (seekersguidance.org), like from the Islamic Studies Curriculum (seekersguidance.org), building your way up doing each course?
I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat
Mawlana Ilyas Patel is a traditionally-trained scholar who has studied in the UK, India, Pakistan, Syria, Jordan, and Turkey. He started his early education in the UK. He went on to complete the hifz of the Quran in India, then enrolled in an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied the secular and ‘Aalimiyya sciences. He then traveled to Karachi, Pakistan. He has been an Imam in Rep of Ireland for several years. He has taught hifz of the Quran, Tajwid, Fiqh, and many other Islamic sciences to children and adults onsite and online extensively in the UK and Ireland. He taught at a local Islamic seminary for 12 years in the UK, where he was a librarian and a teacher of Islamic sciences. He currently resides in the UK with his wife. His interest is a love of books and gardening.
