How Should I Treat My Daughter Who Lives with a Non-Muslim Man and Is Pregnant?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

How should parents deal with an adult daughter living independently, in a relationship with a non-Muslim, and distant from Islam? How should they treat her and her future child?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and advise you to be loving and patient, and keep the door open for connection and guidance.

The child is completely innocent and may be the reason for her to come back to Islam.

Marriage

You cannot condone their zina relationship, so you should put effort into asking him to convert to Islam and marry her. If he does it soon, the child can then be ascribed to him. If he refuses, you should at least introduce Islam to him, so he can start learning and by Allah’s grace, it will enter into his heart. Remind your daughter that she will have no rights in the relationship if she continues as a girlfriend and not a wife.

Daughter

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah is Gentle and loves gentleness, and He grants reward for it that He does not grant for harshness.” [Ibn Maja]

You are your daughter’s connection to Islam right now. Inspire her to love God. Be a better Muslim yourself so she sees the fruits of your practicing lifestyle. Show her that Allah and His Messenger come first in your life, and she will always remember that and eventually come back to it by Allah’s grace. Don’t bother being harsh. It won’t work.

Child

No child should be treated as illegitimate or less equal than a child born in wedlock. Allah Most High has told us in the Quran,

“(…) No one will reap except what they sow. No soul burdened with sin will bear the burden of another. Then to your Lord is your return, and He will inform you of your differences.” [Quran, 6:164]

Spend time with the child, as the child is entirely innocent. Introduce Islam into their lives. Be close to your daughter so that when she is in need, she turns to you and not others. Ignore what the community says, as they will love the gossip.

Befriend only those who support you and those who care about the umma of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). If they ask, request their duas; your daughter’s actions will separate your real friends from your fake ones.

Turn to Allah

Keep praying that she comes back to Islam on her own and makes the right choices. You can’t force it. This is her test, and she is meant to make mistakes, no matter how heartbreaking. We must submit to Allah’s plan. The door of repentance is always open, and she has time to change herself. Ask Allah to guide her and pray for her at tahajjud, when Allah is keen to answer supplication. Pray the Prayer of Need and give charity on her behalf.

Please see more details here:

• How Should I Deal With My Daughter Who Is in a Lesbian Relationship?
• Child of Zina
• What Are the Rights and Rulings of Illegitimate Children?
• How Do I Interact With My Two Daughters Who Commit Enormities?
• Can You Give Me a Supplication So My Daughter Stops Fornicating?
• A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.