Should I Contact Relatives Who Have Cut Off My Mother?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Am I obligated to reach out to relatives after a family dispute I wasn’t involved in, if doing so may cause further conflict with my immediate family?
Answer
Thank you for your question. You are obliged to maintain kinship ties with your relatives and, if possible, help the two families make up.
Ties of Kinship
The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should maintain the ties of kinship.” [Bukhari]
And the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“The one who severs ties of kinship will not enter Paradise.” [Bukhari; Muslim]
And the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“The most quickly rewarded of good deeds are kindness and upholding the ties of kinship, and the most quickly punished evil deeds are injustice and severing the ties of kinship.” [Ibn Maja]
‘Aisha reported that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“Kinship (rahim) is derived from Allah. If anyone maintains ties of kinship, Allah maintains ties with him. If anyone cuts them off, Allah cuts him off.” [Bukhari]
Also, the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“Learn enough about your lineage to facilitate keeping your ties of kinship. For indeed, keeping the ties of kinship encourages affection among the relatives, increases the wealth, and increases the lifespan.” [Tirmidhi]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“When Allah created the creation, the womb (rahim) stood and said: ‘This is the place of one who seeks refuge with You from being cut off.’ Allah said, ‘Yes, are you not pleased that I maintain the ties of those who maintain you and cut off those who cut you off?’ It said, ‘Yes, O Lord.’ He said, ‘Then it is for you.’” The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) then recited: “Now if you (hypocrites) turn away, perhaps you would then spread corruption throughout the land and sever your (ties of) kinship!” [Quran, 47:22] [Bukhari]
Anas ibn Malik reported that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said,
“Anyone who wants to have his provision expanded and his term of life prolonged should maintain ties of kinship.” [Bukhari]
And Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “People, be mindful of your Lord, who created you from a single soul, and from it created its mate, and from the pair of them spread countless men and women far and wide; be mindful of God, in whose name you make requests of one another. Beware of severing kinship ties: God is always watching over you. [Quran, 4:1]
I think the above hadith and Quranic verses clarify the importance of keeping kinship ties.
Your Mother
You should contact your relatives and explain to your mother’s family that you stand for Islam first, and will not cut off anyone because you fear Allah Most High.
It is not obligatory to obey your mother if she asks you to sever ties. Will they get angry? Yes. Will they call you crazy? Yes. Will they say that you must defend your mother? Yes. But you have to tell them Allah’s anger is more worthy of fear, and instead of cutting them off, you will try to help the families make amends. Do it sincerely for the sake of Allah, and He will help you by His grace.
Dua
Please say this prophetic supplication regularly and teach it to your family:
اللَّهُمَّ أَلِّفْ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِنَا وَأَصْلِحْ ذَاتَ بَيْنِنَا وَاهْدِنَا سُبُلَ السَّلاَمِ وَنَجِّنَا مِنَ الظُّلُمَاتِ إِلَى النُّورِ وَجَنِّبْنَا الْفَوَاحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ وَبَارِكْ لَنَا فِي أَسْمَاعِنَا وَأَبْصَارِنَا وَقُلُوبِنَا وَأَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُ وَاجْعَلْنَا شَاكِرِينَ لِنِعْمَتِكَ مُثْنِينَ بِهَا قَابِلِيهَا وَأَتِمَّهَا عَلَيْنَا
O Allah, join our hearts, mend our social relationship, guide us to the path of peace, bring us from darkness to light, save us from obscenities, outward or inward, and bless our ears, our eyes, our hearts, our wives, our children, and relent toward us; Thou art the Relenting, the Merciful. And make us grateful for Thy blessing and make us praise it while accepting it, and grant it to us in full. [Abu Dawud]
Please see more details here:
- Am I Sinful for Following My Mother, Who Cut Off Ties With Her Family?
- Told by Parents to Cut Ties with Brother
- What is the Ruling of Maintaining Family Ties?
- Can I Maintain Family Ties Despite My Parents’ Wishes?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
