Why Is an Ex-Fornicator Allowed to Hide His Past from a Prospective Spouse?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Why is it that individuals who engage in illicit relationships before marriage are advised to hide their past but not to seek spouses equitable to their past actions, instead of choosing virtuous individuals? Doesn’t this create trust issues and psychological harm when the truth is eventually revealed, as the virtuous spouse has no way of knowing the other’s past actions?

Answer

Thank you for your question. They are advised to hide their past because it displeases Allah Most High that they reveal what He has kept hidden.

Truth

Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “All my community will be excused except those who are blatant. And it is from blatancy for one to perform an act at night and to wake up and tell something that they did such-and-such while Allah had concealed it for them. They slept under cover of Allah, and they rent asunder Allah’s covering from themselves in the morning.” [Bukhari & Muslim]

It is not necessary that the truth get revealed, and if it is revealed, it doesn’t necessarily cause trust issues or psychological harm. Allah (Most High) is more important than the feelings of a prospective spouse. Allah has commanded believers to hide their sins because exposing them displeases Him. What on Earth could be worse than His displeasure?

Repentance

You undermine the value of repentance. If a believer’s repentance is good enough for Allah, is it good enough for you? Can a person not change? Can a person not go from a criminal to a saint? Are our hearts not capable of transformation? Does light not cut through the darkness? And who is to say that the virtuous person is better than the repentant person? Would they be equally sincere? I ask you to ponder these questions.

‘Abdullah Ibn Mas‘ud reported Allah’s messenger as saying, “He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin.” [Ibn Maja & Bayhaqi]

Please see details here about NOT informing a potential spouse of your past:

• Should I Tell My Suitor about the Fornication in My Past?
• Disclosing Past Sins
• How Should I Deal with My Husband Inquiring about My Past Sins?
• Informing a Prospective Spouse About Past Non-Marital Relationship
• Will My Future Husband Find Out About My Virginity?
• Should I Tell My Spouse About My Relationships Before I Got Married?
• Seeking Forgiveness for Premarital Relationship and Informing One’s Spouse
• My Friend Committed Fornication in the Past, and Wants to Tell Her Prospective Husband About It. Is This a Good Idea?
• Are There Valid Reasons to Reveal Sins?
• Do I Need to Confess My Zina to My Excellent Suitor?

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.