Should I Skip My Brother’s Wedding to Stand with My Mother?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Should I attend my brother’s wedding if my mother refuses to go and wants me to stay away out of loyalty to her?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I don’t know why your mother is upset with your brother but it is haram to let hatred spread within your family. Go to the wedding.
Ties of Kinship
It is a great enormity to ruin the relationship with your brother. The true values of our religion are laid out in these hadith and Quranic verses:
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should maintain the ties of kinship.” [Bukhari]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“The one who severs ties of kinship will not enter Paradise.” [Bukhari; Muslim]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The most quickly rewarded of good deeds are kindness and upholding the ties of kinship, and the most quickly punished evil deeds are injustice and severing the ties of kinship.” [Ibn Maja]
‘Aisha reported that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“Kinship (rahim) is derived from Allah. If anyone maintains ties of kinship, Allah maintains ties with him. If anyone cuts them off, Allah cuts him off.” [Bukhari]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“Learn enough about your lineage to facilitate keeping your ties of kinship. For indeed keeping the ties of kinship encourages affection among the relatives, increases the wealth, and increases the lifespan.” [Tirmidhi]
Anas ibn Malik reported that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace,) said,
“Anyone who wants to have his provision expanded and his term of life prolonged should maintain ties of kinship.” [Bukhari]
And Allah Most High has told us in the Quran,
“People, be mindful of your Lord, who created you from a single soul, and from it created its mate, and from the pair of them spread countless men and women far and wide; be mindful of God, in whose name you make requests of one another. Beware of severing the ties of kinship: God is always watching over you. [Quran, 4:1]
Mother
There is no question that your mother has sinfully cut ties of kinship and is encouraging you to do the same. You must avoid this sin and go. Tell your mother you are going to the wedding because you fear Allah, not because you don’t love her. Tell her that Islam supersedes personal feelings and that the truth always manifests itself.
Even if she is upset with you, she will get over it after some time. You will not lose if you stick to the standards set by Allah Most High and His Messenger, even if it seems hard at first. May Allah mend their relationship.
Dua
Please say this supplication daily:
اللَّهُمَ حَبَّبْ إِلَيْنَا الْإِيمَانَ وَزَيِّنْهُ فِي قُلُوبِنَا، وَكَرِّهْ إِلَيْنَا الْكُفْرَ وَالْفُسُوقَ وَالْعِصْيَانَ وَاجْعَلْنَا مِنَ الرَّاشِدِينَ.
O Allah, make our faith beloved to us and beautify it in our hearts and make hateful to us disbelief, wickedness and disobedience, and make us of those rightly guided. [Quran, 49:7]
Please see more details here:
- Told by Parents to Cut Ties with Brother
- What is the Ruling of Maintaining Family Ties?
- Obeying One’s Parents and Maintaining Ties of Kinship
- Am I Sinful for Following My Mother Who Cut Off Ties With Her Family?
- How Do I Mend Ties With My Estranged Brother and His Family?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
